We’re a month into the new year. Have you given up on your resolutions yet? Don’t worry; this isn’t another one of those types of articles. Instead, let’s talk about why we give up.

Have you ever gotten fired up about doing something? You started and were doing great, then it just fizzled out, and you quit?

I can relate. I have a love-hate relationship with fitness. I’ve also started and stopped more blogs than I care to admit over the last decade or so. And a podcast. My history says the jury is still unsure whether I stick with Medium.

I know consistency’s essential, but it’s been a sticking point.

I’m not sure if it’s a part of getting older or what, but I’ve developed a strong ability to be brutally honest with myself. Moving past your challenges will be challenging if you can’t be honest with yourself.

I’m not talking about the kind of honesty where you grill yourself for coming up short or not doing well. Once that line of thinking creeps in, it can spread like weeds, and it’s hard to root out.

I’m talking about honesty, where you can look at yourself in the mirror and address your shortcomings. Then, decide you’re going to change them for the better. Then actually do it.

Along the way, I’ve learned that I tend to try and skip to the end. I think a lot of us do. As if our life is a book or movie, you can jump to the good parts. We don’t want to see (live) the character buildup to the superhero; we want to see (be) the superhero in action.

In today’s social media-driven world, you only see the superhero in action. The finished product. You make that your goal and give up when it doesn’t come easy.

Want to look better? There is a cosmetic procedure for that. Want more money? Many people sell get-rich-quick courses online, or you can play the lottery. If you want to grow an audience, somebody somewhere is selling followers.

We’re all guilty of it in some way. We glamourize the finished product when we should glamourize what it took to get there. Instead, we want shortcuts and hacks. Nobody has the attention span or patience to wait.

Even if it means you’ll get what you want with time.

Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work — Thomas Edison.

I’ve learned three important things about my struggles over the years. I’m willing to bet that others who have struggled as I have might get some clarity from these. These three mindset shifts have changed a lot for my personal growth.

You Have to BECOME What You Want to Be

Whenever you set a goal, remember that you aren’t currently the person who can do that thing. You are where you are right now based on your habits, choices, and mindset. It’s taken you years to get to where you are.

You can’t change things overnight. You must develop the habits and mindset that will lead you to what you want. That takes time and, more importantly, work.

It would help if you replaced every habit that doesn’t support your goal with a practice that does. Sometimes, you must shift your mindset entirely from one end of the spectrum to another. You essentially will have to earn what it is you want.

You do the work.

I’ve always loved writing. I’ve always wanted to see if there was a way to make money on the side doing it. I’ve tried several things over the years but never stuck with anything. Because I haven’t stuck with it, I haven’t built the habits and skills necessary to get good enough to get what I want ultimately.

To do that, I will have to make time to write daily. I’m going to have to post it as much as possible. I will have to improve on what I’m posting, and most importantly, I will have to stay consistent in doing all of those things.

This is how you become a writer, so I must do this. And here I am.

Delay Gratification

No, this has nothing to do with the marshmallow study.

Not being able to delay gratification is the #1 goal and resolution killer. It’s easy to stick with things when you see they are working. The saying goes: success breeds success. But what do you do when your results stall or if you’ve been plugging away for a couple of weeks with no results?

Do you keep going, or do you quit?

Your emotional state can dictate how well you do. You’re trying to eat more nutritiously to meet your workout goals. You have a terrible stress-filled day and eat junk food for dinner. One slip-up won’t hurt.

Next thing you know, the slip-up has stretched into a few days. Then, to a few weeks. Then you’ve just given up because you think the whole thing has failed.

Unfortunately, growth isn’t linear. The journey will contain peaks and valleys. It’s part of the process; sometimes, your plan must be adjusted as you learn.

This is why my fitness journey is love-hate. I see the results that come quickly whenever I start. Scale is moving, clothes are looser, and measurements are changing positively. Then those things slow or stall, and I get frustrated.

I slowly torpedo things. This one bad meal won’t hurt anything. I can miss this one workout. Then they start compounding, and I’ll miss a few weeks or months. The next thing I know, I’ve completely stopped. Then, the cycle starts over.

I’ve learned that delaying gratification is almost like a test. What I want will come, but can I be patient enough to stick with it and wait it out? Will I keep showing up when I don’t feel like it? Will I keep showing up and following the plan even if I’m not seeing the ultimate results I want right away?

Because that’s what it’s going to take.

Be Outcome-Independent

It seems counterintuitive to have a goal and be outcome-independent. Being dependent on the outcome means seeing things in black and white. You either win or you lose.

You aren’t going to succeed at everything. Some things will come quickly. Some things will take time and effort. You’ll even put much time and effort into some things and still not get what you want.

If you are too dependent on the outcome in situations where you come up short, it will set you back because you’ll start to carry failure as your identity if you aren’t careful.

Throughout your life, how have you felt when you haven’t hit your goals? Have you viewed yourself as a failure? Have you just decided you couldn’t reach that goal, ever, and just quit for good? Do you ever hit that rut where you think you’ve never succeeded, so you won’t this time?

What if you pick the goal, plan to get there, let go because you know you’ll succeed, and then follow the procedure? Whatever you choose will take work (there’s that unsexy word again).

How about depending on the process it takes rather than the results? The work is where the magic happens.

You are too dependent on the outcome whenever feeling rejected knocks you to your knees. You’ve probably been dumped at some point, right? It’s hard to see it when feeling the emotional aftermath, but the love and relationship you want are still attainable, just not with the person who let you go.

This was me dealing with a broken heart after my divorce. I didn’t think love existed. I thought I’d never have another shot at a family. All because things didn’t work out with that person. I’ve since moved on and remarried.

How many times have you looked back over your life and wished you hadn’t quit something? You’d have gotten what you wanted if you had just kept going. It might not have been exactly how you envisioned when you started, but it was what you wanted.

Just because something isn’t coming easy doesn’t mean it won’t come. It just means you have work to do to become that person. Some habits are so ingrained in you that it will take time to root them out and replace them with new ones. Be patient.

At times, this will feel like a grind. You'll feel frustrated once you tell yourself it’s a grind, and defeat will set in. This is the exact time to keep going! If you start to dread things, tell yourself you LOVE doing them before, while, and after doing them. Reframe it so that it’s no longer something you hate.

As simple as it sounds, the easiest way to find success is to figure out a way to keep yourself showing up to put in work every day. For me, that means to stop skipping over the journey to the end. Instead, embrace it and be fully present in it. It always takes you to where you want to go.

You’ll never get there if you don’t take it.