You’re Single Because You Believe These 4 Dating Myths
Incredible, yet another awful first date.
I was wracking them up like Taylor Swift was wracking up appearances on TV at NFL games.
Re-entering the pool with the jaded bitterness from divorce didn’t help.
On this trip, I was closer to 40 than 30. This would be interesting.
Divorce taught me that there were some big myths about dating and relationships that weren’t true.
I was about to see firsthand why these myths were still being perpetuated.
How many of you reading this believe any of these or did at one time until you saw the light?
Just Be Yourself
It’s the most misunderstood myth of all time!
Just be yourself, and they will love you.
It’s not bad advice at all. Always be yourself, and don’t pretend to be someone you aren’t.
What if you are a jerk with poor social skills? Or worse, what if you don’t know who you are?
The first few dates I had after my divorce were horrible. I was being myself in each moment.
I was a nervous, anxious wreck. I hadn’t dated in years. I had no clue how to flirt or banter anymore.
I didn’t know what I was doing. No wonder nothing was working.
When people tell you to be yourself, they want to calm you down. THEY like you the way you are and assume everyone else will, too.
In most cases, you have a history with this person, and they’ve gotten to know you.
You don’t always get the time for that when dating.
Just being yourself means staying true to your values and beliefs. Don’t try to be something you’re not.
Some people will connect with you, and some won’t. It’s life. You don’t like everyone you meet, either.
It’s a Love Thing
How often have you heard, “You can’t find love until you love yourself first”?
I’m going out on a limb to say that’s a lie.
Self-love is essential, no question.
But there have been times I’ve found love when I hated myself and loved myself. I thought I was okay when I met my wife, but I wouldn’t say I loved myself.
I’ve seen relationships blossom where one or both partners learned what self-love is and how to do it through a strong relationship.
I still struggle with self-love daily, as every human does. Some people have had it so bad that they must be shown they can be loved and deserve it.
Sometimes, the right person and relationship can lift you and show you that you deserve love and to love yourself.
None of us is a finished product. Your partner won’t be. The goal should be to help each other become as close to their perfect selves as possible.
It should be to help each other build their self-love together. You’ll make a more robust relationship if you grow yourselves and the relationship into something bigger.
How Strong is Love?
Love conquers all. How romantic.
And false.
New couples and “wise” older folks will say love is all that matters.
Love is not enough. Humans and relationships are both complex. There are many ingredients in a successful relationship.
Love is one. Communication, compatibility, similar values, and trust are also important.
You can keep love, but if you remove any of those other 4, inevitably, love will fade.
People will suffer through years of pain and trauma for love.
Is love enough for you to overlook an abusive spouse? A cheating spouse? Or what about someone who disrespects you at every opportunity?
Yes, love can help you face difficult situations if you are aligned. Too often, one partner is left to keep the love alive without the other participating.
Sorry, my love has limits. I don’t tolerate cheating, abuse, or disrespect. I’m also not going to keep playing a one-sided game.
If you aren’t in it with me, we should get out.
You’re wrong if you think love is enough to make it through a bad relationship. You can’t love someone into a good person.
It’s up to that person to become a good person. You can support and nurture it, but the ball is in their court to turn it around.
The One
The good old soul mate myth ™.
The myth goes like this: You have ONE match for you in a world of 8 billion people. Tough luck if you don’t meet them.
We all spend our early dating years looking for our one true soulmate. Each time we start a new relationship, we think we’ve found them.
Then, the relationship ends, and we start over.
There is no ONE. Again, the world has eight billion people. You’re telling me I have a better chance of winning mega millions or power ball than finding this supposed soul mate.
Come on, stop it.
Millions of people would be a good partner for you and vice versa.
The world is immense. Don’t you think there is a possibility you have suitable matches in another country?
And what about the people who have divorced and not remarried or never got married?
Do they not have a soul mate? Or did they stop looking? The lens of their standards was too sharp for the people who would have been good for them.
Believing there is only one leaves unrealistic expectations.
You increase your chances of finding partners that are right for you by putting yourself in a position to see them and be found by them.
Source: Myself. Happily married to someone from another country.
What’s Missing?
Patience worldwide is at an all-time low.
You have to connect quickly on a date, or you’re done.
I’ve heard so many people say they know within a minute or two of meeting someone whether or not they’re interested.
On what planet is a minute or two enough time to get to know someone?
Making snap judgments is a survival skill in regular life. If your conscience is telling you to avoid someone, it’s probably right.
Dating isn’t necessarily the same. Sure, if you sense danger around someone, you should listen.
But is not feeling a magical spark within a few minutes of meeting someone enough for you to write them off?
People who say that are serial daters or constantly single. They also disregard major red flags.
Every time I’ve decided based on that “spark,” it’s ended in disaster. I would get too wrapped up in the physical and conveniently miss the truth right before me.
What red flags?
You shouldn’t disregard the chances someone might be nervous on a first date. Maybe they had a bad day, or there is some reason they couldn’t show up as their best selves.
You never know what other people are going through.
There is nothing wrong with slowing things down and letting them develop.
If you’re interested but the person didn’t blow your socks off on the first date, it might be worthwhile to give it another shot.
Mythbusters
If you’re single and reading this, how many of these myths do you believe?
We make dating more complicated than it needs to be.
So much pressure, false beliefs, and dating apps have changed things and people.
Women have become jaded due to the sheer amount of requests they get. Men are struggling and frustrated because they can’t reach an opportunity.
Each side blames the other.
People are prisoners of the myths on this list, causing them to have unrealistic expectations.
Everyone expects love at first sight but doesn’t ensure their vision is 20–20.
Believing these myths cheats you and your potential partner out of something beautiful.
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