3 Books I Used to Move On After Divorce

Have you ever been sick and tired of being sick and tired?

You’re done with dealing with the nonsense. You’re tired of being the bigger person for the good of all things.

I had reached that point. I could stay miserable or grow.

My life was changing due to the new single lifestyle and co-parenting.

I could no longer use my divorce as a reason to stay down.

Things I hadn’t been paying much attention to before became important.

Finances, fitness, and my behaviors and personality. I had problems in all three areas, and it was time to face them all head-on.

What is the quickest, most efficient (see cheapest…) way to tackle all three? I couldn’t afford workshops or classes. I liked therapy, but once a week wasn’t enough.

I could afford books. If I couldn’t, I could always go to the library.

The following three books turned my life around.

Starting Strength — Mark Rippetoe

It’s just a book about lifting barbells for new lifters. There are no fancy routines, diets, or overblown promises about getting shredded in the least number of days possible.

It’s strictly a book about the proper way to lift weights that focuses on significant compound lifts: Barbell squat, deadlift, bench press, overhead press, power clean, and pull-ups.

Compound here means the exercise targets multiple muscle groups.

It includes a breakdown of how to perform each exercise. It has pictures of proper form and mentions common problems associated with people just starting and how to troubleshoot your issues.

This book changed my life because it started my lifelong affair with weightlifting.

Weightlifting gave me the stability and consistency that was missing in my life. Emotionally, I was a wreck. Most days, I felt like I just went whichever the wind blew me.

Getting in the gym and getting stronger helped me rebuild my self-confidence.

A weak man is not as happy as that same man would be if he were strong. This reality is offensive to some people who would like the intellectual or spiritual to take precedence — Mark Rippetoe

I couldn’t count on much in my life. I could count on feeling better if I worked out. The weights were waiting for me when I showed up. The weights wouldn’t argue.

They wouldn’t belittle me. They wouldn’t make me feel like I wasn’t enough. They wouldn’t make me feel like I’d never feel better about things.

They did the opposite. They showed me how to trust and believe in myself. They showed me how to push myself, and they showed me the importance of self-care.

Lifting also wore me out. Sleep was hard to come by with all my worries and stress. As you get into heavier squats and deadlifts, it’s very taxing on your body.

Sleep became easier.

Nobody could take my weight room accomplishments away. Nobody could say I was lucky or didn’t earn or deserve it.

I did it all on my own. I just showed up every day and put in the work. This confidence showed up in other areas for me. All I needed to do was the work.

This newfound confidence changed the trajectory of my life.

Total Money Makeover — Dave Ramsey

Finances were the biggest struggle. I’ve now got child support and live in a house I bought that I can no longer afford.

I had debts racked up from the marriage that probably should have been split evenly but weren’t. The bill collectors don’t want to hear your story.

The little I had read on personal finance mainly was fluff. Make these investments and change your life overnight. Ride this new wave to get wealthy.

I needed a simple plan to get dug out of my hole. This book had it. It broke down the basics of personal finance and what I could do to fix things.

It provided a simple process to get out of debt and explained it would take time. It hammered home that I would have to make some tough decisions. Mainly, I would have to sell my house.

It had strategies to pay down debts quickly. Instead of foolish investments or get-rich-quick schemes, it talks about selling things you have that you don’t use, getting a better job that pays more, and even picking up a side hustle or part-time employment if necessary.

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

I ended up selling my house and going all in on a promotion at work. I then moved into a more affordable place with more money to pay my debts.

It also includes one of my favorite quotes:

If you will live like no one else, later, you can live like no one else — Dave Ramsey

This quote meant so much more to me than just finance. It applied to every dream and goal I wanted to accomplish.

Everyone wants the rewards, but only some want to do the work it takes to get there and do it consistently. This is what separates you from your dreams.

Without this book, I’m unsure what my finances would look like today.

No More Mr. Nice Guy — Dr. Robert Glover

This was the first book I read that described me. I was a suffering “Nice Guy”.

Being nice isn’t bad. Most men are raised to be nice. This book describes it differently.

Nice guys are people pleasers who give something to get something in return. These needs should be communicated. They say what people want to hear and are manipulative.

They are usually resentful and frustrated because of people-pleasing behaviors, lack of setting boundaries, and putting everyone else first. This is because they rarely get what they want.

That was me. I always put other people’s needs above mine. I assumed if I did all I could to help others, they would eventually help me when needed.

This rarely happened, and I felt isolated and worthless. I felt like I couldn’t trust anyone.

My frustrations and resentments came from myself. I never communicated my needs to others or set boundaries.

This book helped me figure out who I was. I don’t think I ever knew.

I learned how to like myself, face conflicts, set healthy boundaries, express my needs, and give without trying to fix everything or everyone.

I didn’t have to be someone I was not to be loved.

After reading this book, I quickly learned about all the mistakes I had made in relationships and why my relationships had failed until then.

It is actually a person’s rough edges and human imperfections that give others something to connect with — Dr. Robert Glover

This book led me to eventually become the type of person I wanted to be and find the love of my life, to whom I have been married for two years.

Other books helped me recover, but I still come back to these. They were critical in helping me reshape my life.

The focus is on three essential pillars of becoming who you want: fitness, finance, and self-awareness.

Word of warning: none of these are easy fixes. You will have to show up every day and do the work.

You can do it. And you will.