November/December 2019 Book Reviews: The Mindset Edition
Single Dad Reboot. As the name of blog implies, I’m all about rebooting myself. Basically, a catchy way to say improve myself or become my best self. I plan on doing this growth mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, and any way that it’s possible for me to grow into the best version of myself. Obviously, one way to do this is through reading books. However, reading is not enough. You have to put what you read into practice. If you don’t, everything just stays an idea.
I plan on reading a couple of books a month. After reading I’ll be providing a review of what I’ve read. I won’t be reading it from a critical standpoint, although I will be giving my overall opinion of the books I have read. What I’ll be doing is different. I’ll cover the parts that had the biggest impact on me and my thinking. I’ll then say how I plan on implementing what I read into my everyday life.
I had planned to start this feature in early December 2019 with a review of what I read in November. I kept putting it off though because when I first started to post I had the fear of posting a “perfect” article that would draw millions of people to my website. Well, after some thought, I realized that was ridiculous to expect, and like anything, when you first start anything, you’ll probably suck. You have to start somewhere to build experience and get better. That goes for anything you are working for. Now, re-read the last few sentences and notice the negativity in those thoughts.
Those thoughts actually fit the theme of the books I read this month. It wasn’t intended, but everything I read happened to fall under the umbrella of mastering your mind.
So, without further ado, here are the books I read over the last two months:
November 2019:
“As a Man Thinketh” – James Allen (Rephrased by Sam Torode)
“Mindset” – Carol S. Dweck, Ph. D.
“Can’t Hurt Me” – David Goggins
December 2019:
“You2” – Price Pritchett, Ph. D.
“Super Attractor” – Gabrielle Bernstein
“The 5 Second Rule” – Mel Robbins
“As a Man Thinketh” – James Allen (rephrased by Sam Torode)
This is the first self-improvement book I ever read. I read it back in 2011. It was so powerful to me that I have read it once a year ever since. It’s a very short book, clocking in at about 35 or 36 pages. I believe a lot of people consider James Allen to be one of the forefathers to the whole self-help movement. The latest version I grabbed was rephrased by Sam Torode. Rephrasing is basically taking older works and putting them in today’s language. This is extremely helpful because it makes this very important work accessible to today’s readers. I will admit, the original version in its original form, can be hard to read. At least it was for me.
The basic premise of this book in three sentences is: if you can master your mind, you can create the life you want and have success beyond your wildest dreams. Your thoughts effect your character, circumstances, health, appearance, and achievements. It all resides in your subconscious. Your subconscious is basically the software that your brain (computer) runs on most of the time. Generally, without you even realizing it. This book was what initially helped me to start being aware of what I was thinking.
It’s up to you to pay attention to what’s running around in your mind. Are your thoughts generally focused on the positive or negative? Do you have self-defeating thoughts like, “I can’t do….”; “I’ll never succeed at….”? And once you notice the negative thought patterns you have to change them. If you don’t change them, you won’t be able to change yourself. If you want results in life different than what you’ve gotten so far, you have to do things differently. This book doesn’t really give you any actionable advice on changing your thoughts. It mostly just lays out what your thoughts control in yourself and your life.
“Mindset” – Carol S. Dweck, Ph. D.
This is a book I’ve had on my “to read” list for a couple of years. I kept putting it off for, well, no good reason. I’m glad I finally read this one. The basic premise of this book is that there are two mindsets. A growth mindset and a fixed mindset. If you have a growth mindset, you believe that you can change. If you have a fixed mindset, you basically think you were born a certain way with certain talents, and that’s what you’re stuck with. What mindset you have basically applies to all areas of your life: on the job, in your relationships, and even as a parent. Dr. Dweck then lays out scientific evidence supporting her claims and also reveals examples from her days as a Stanford professor and as a Psychologist.
The sections that resonated with me the most were on relationships and parenting. For relationships, from pretty much the time we are children, we get bombarded by these messages from Disney, tv shows, movies, love songs, books, etc. about how relationships should be. They all say that one day you’ll find “The One” and there will be no arguments. They’ll be able to read your mind and meet all of your needs and that person will “complete” you. Well, unfortunately, life doesn’t work like that. Relationships needs communication, connection, support for each other, and many other things. These are things you can get better at. Think about it. You enter a relationship as a certain person, but who you are today isn’t who you are going to be in a month, or a year. As humans we are always changing, especially if personal growth is something you are interested in. These aren’t bad changes, but they are still changes, and change implies growth.
The parenting section was equally eye opening. As my daughter gets older, I want to try and impress upon her that she really holds her life in her hands. To do that, I have to pay attention to how I praise her when she does well, and how I react when she makes a mistake. In fact, you have to be careful of each message you send your child. Children are sponges and will soak up everything and you don’t want some innocuous comment sticking in their subconscious through adulthood. One of the biggest things I learned was not to praise her for how great she as at something. When you do that, it basically just sends the message that they are great just by showing up. Of course, as a parent, we all think that of our kids anyway, but it neglects the process of what it took your child to get to that point. What strategy did your child use? What choices did they make? How much effort did they put in? Those are the things you need to praise. That way they know that they can work on things to get better. You also want to turn your focus on to letting them know they are developing and you are very much interested in that development.
“Can’t Hurt Me” – David Goggins
This is one of the most powerful books I have ever read. I found out about it when I heard Mr. Goggins on the “All Out Show” on XM radio. I caught the interview half-way in, and I was riveted by what he had to say. I think it was the amount of swearing he did that drew me in. David Goggins was basically dealt a shit hand at every turn. A troubling childhood, loss of family and friends, learning disabilities, and other issues. For most people that would be a recipe for failure that would lead to suicide or jail time. Maybe both. Not for David Goggins. He mastered his mind and became a Navy SEAL, later an Army Ranger, and ran all kinds of Ultra Marathons amongst other amazing physical feats. All with a major physical ailment. He literally pushed himself well beyond his limits and boundaries to success. He did it by being completely honest with himself and mastering his mind. If you can read this book and still think you have it bad, then you are probably a narcissist.
The biggest thing I took from this book is that my mind is going to try and derail me any chance it gets. It doesn’t matter how much positive thinking I do my mind will always chime in with a negative viewpoint. It’s going to tell me I can’t do certain things and to give up. It’s going to tell me I shouldn’t start because I’ll either fail or it’ll tell me to be scared of success. It’s going to tell me I have limits. The kicker is none of that is true, unless you believe it is. So, it’s up to me to question every negative thought I have. Ask myself “Why is that true”. It’s also up to me to condition my mind to be more resilient and slowly build upon pushing past my limits. Each chapter has an action step at the end of it. I hit my “accountability mirror” whenever fear of something pops. It’s not an overnight change, but you can truly take control of your mind. After reading this book I believe in that 100%.
“You2” – Price Pritchett, Ph. D.
I found out about this one listening to Bob Proctor on the Lewis Howes “School of Greatness” podcast. Lewis asked Bob Proctor what were his three top book recommendations. This was the first one he said. The other two I’ll be reviewing in later reviews. This book is another one that is short. It’s about 36 pages. For anyone not familiar with Bob Proctor, he’s one of the first guys that started popularizing the Law of Attraction. He was featured in the movie “The Secret” that really made the Law of Attraction popular to the mainstream. Bob Proctor has been spreading the word since the 1960’s, however.
This book doesn’t really tout the law of attraction, but it does include some of the basic strategies of this universal law. It basically states that you don’t have to grind and grind to be successful. You can make a quantum leap to whatever you want to do or change about yourself. To make these leaps you are going to have to completely change how you think, what you think, what you think about, and what you do and don’t do. Your behaviors up until now have gotten you to a certain place. If you want to change that place to go to a different destination, you’re going to have to change those behaviors.
This book hammered home themes I’ve come across in my life over the last year. These themes are related to things like, don’t just set your desires to what you think you can have. Set them to what you truly want. It talks about how if you want to make massive change, it will require getting out of your comfort zone. There is just no way around it. It mentions not to look for proof that you can achieve something, look for proof that you can’t. Visualize the end point where you want to end up. Don’t get bogged down in the “how will it happen” mindset. The most important point I’ve learned over the last year, that was cemented by this book, was start something before you think you are ready. I 100% agree with this. It doesn’t matter where you are starting from or where you are starting at. JUST START. This is another book I’ll be adding to my yearly reading. It’s that powerful.
“Super Attractor” – Gabrielle Bernstein
This is another one I picked up from Lewis Howes “School of Greatness” podcast. Gabrielle Bernstein is also another big proponent of the Law of Attraction. If you aren’t familiar with it, I highly recommend looking it up. It really does seem to be a common theme for a lot of successful people. Her view of it is more from a spiritual slant, however. Honestly, parts of this book were a little too “Woo Woo” and new agey for me, but the message sunk in. Whether you are religious or spiritual, I believe there are greater forces at work in all of our lives. These are forces you can tap into. Gabrielle calls it the Universe, but other might call this God.
The book relates her background and life and the experiences she has had with the Law of Attraction. She relates the story as a way to show proof of its existence. She also provides exercises and advice on how to become in tune with the Universe/God. This book was packed with useful knowledge too. It talks about setting intentions, rather than goals. Goals have you focusing on the end point, where intentions have you focusing on the habits/behaviors to achieve your goal. She talks about not holding on too tightly to want you want. It’s fine to have a desire or goal, but don’t get discouraged when it doesn’t happen on your timeline. The universe has a plan and it will give you what you want when you are ready. This is important when you haven’t reached a goal in your desired time. Don’t give up, just be patient.
One thing I have noticed from a lot of successful people is talk of being in a state of gratitude. Be grateful for what you have, whether it is good or bad. This thinking will lead you to a more positive mindset and a higher vibration. These things lead to quicker manifestations of your desires. A bigger sense of gratitude is something I am also working on. I’ve been writing down 3 things I’m grateful for every night for about a month now. I have noticed a subtle shift in my overall attitude. I’ll probably write more on this experiment another time.
“The 5 Second Rule” – Mel Robbins
The last book I read is by Mel Robbins who has a talk show and is very popular on Instagram. I came across it by, you guessed it, the Lewis Howes “School of Greatness” podcast. This book is great. It was a quick read as well. The basic premise of the book is, when you have the instinct to take action. In anything, whether it be work, a goal, telling someone how you feel, talking to an attractive guy/girl at a bar, asking for a raise, etc. Just count down 5-4-3-2-1 and GO. I know it sounds simple and stupid. She even says it in her book herself, but it works like a charm! The very first post I made for this blog was about taking action. This post was long before I read her book.
Mel Robbins shares all kinds of success stories from her life as well as testimonials from her followers. Whenever you have an instinct to do something, you need to push yourself to do it. It will solve so many problems in your life. It starts with getting up in the morning. Don’t hit the snooze button, just get up and get moving. If you give your mind time to think/rationalize, it will try and talk you out of doing things. The countdown is a mechanism to get your brain focused elsewhere so you can sort of distract it and go for what you want. She provides scientific studies to prove her point. It really is an amazing read. And it works. I’ve used it for a couple of things that I didn’t want to do. I’ve used it to pass fast food places to get home and eat better. I’ve also used it to do some housework and laundry. Both minor, but I HATE housework. And Laundry.
I’m not sure if anyone has read this far, but I know this article seems kind of rushed. Well, I took the advice from Mel Robbins’ book to pump it out. I’ve been putting it off for a couple of months now. Future reviews will be more in depth. I promise.
