5 Signs You’ll Keep Reliving the Same Relationship Mistakes

Why does the same thing always seem to happen?

You meet someone; you go out a few times, and they seem great for a while; something happens, and things end miserably.

It’s almost like clockwork, insert a new person, but you get the same results.

You’re almost at the point where you’re starting to ask yourself what’s the point of dating anymore. You’re tired of getting hurt and wasting your time, right?

It’s the worst.

What if the problem isn’t the people we choose but us? What else could it be if we keep doing the same thing repeatedly and nothing changes?

If you are tired of repeating the failed relationships, here are six signs you will keep reliving them unless you make changes.

1. You stick with your type. Yes, I know, attraction isn’t a choice. Look at the last few people you’ve dated or been in a relationship with. Were they all similar in attitude, appearance, or demeanor?

If yes, try something new. Go out with people you usually wouldn’t. You will be surprised at what you find.

You’ll see the world is big and filled with amazing people. By sticking with a type, you are limiting your options. The more options you have, the better chance you can find what you are looking for.

When I returned to the dating scene after my divorce, I started by sticking with my type and had no luck. Then I decided to try dating women outside of that type.

It was the best decision I made. It helped me learn that there were more qualities I was attracted to and more things I wanted in a future partner I hadn’t thought of before.

2. You let emotion override red flags. The happiness and joy of the honeymoon phase are like a drug. Some people get addicted to it, so they hop from relationship to relationship.

The person you’re with can do no wrong.

Eventually, the truth comes out, and all is revealed. Usually, there are red flags along the way, but we’re so drunk off the new love cocktail that we overlook them.

Red flags start piling up; you ignore them even though your friends tell you to sprint for the exit. Then boom, it all comes tumbling down.

You saw it the whole time but ignored it anyway.

When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time — Maya Angelou

It’s easy to get swept up in your emotions and let things slide, but it usually comes back to bite you. Some are minor, and some are major, but pay attention to red flags.

My first serious relationship after my divorce started this same way. There were numerous red flags that I chose to ignore.

As bad as that relationship was, it was the one that helped me pull my head out of my rear end and realize I can’t keep doing the same things over and over.

3. You don’t learn from past relationships. We’re all familiar with Einstein’s quote about insanity. You’ll keep getting the same results if you take the same actions.

We’re prone to do this when we jump into a relationship too quickly after getting out of one. You haven’t given yourself time to process or grieve, so you will fall back into the same patterns you had before.

It also happens when we don’t take the time to look at past relationships and get a handle on what we liked or didn’t like and what went right or wrong. But there is another crucial thing that’s overlooked.

We don’t get clear on what we want and what our ideal relationship and partner look like.

It’s like going to the grocery store when you are starving. You’re just going to grab whatever looks good because you want something. It doesn’t matter whether or not you like it or think it’s good for you.

I found myself frustrated after my first serious relationship post-divorce. It was starting to feel like finding love was going to be impossible.

As I thought about my past failed relationships, it started to sink in that I hadn’t changed or grown since they ended.

I had learned many lessons about myself and wasn’t applying them as I moved forward. What’s the point of the knowledge if you aren’t going to use it?

4. You don’t acknowledge your part in unsuccessful relationships. Everyone you meet has a story about a horrible ex.

Hardly anybody has a story about their mistakes that helped end the relationship.

It’s not about pointing fingers and blaming. It’s about accepting responsibility. Rest assured, whether you believe it or not, you also contributed to things ending.

Relationships take two people. Nobody is perfect, and we all make mistakes. Accept responsibility for your part.

Pointing fingers is easier on our egos, so seeing it might take much work.

Look at how you showed up in the relationship. Did you communicate well? Did you speak openly about things that bothered you or hold them in and build resentment?

Sometimes family, work, and life responsibilities get in the way. Did you try and nurture your relationship to keep the sparks alive?

I had to come to terms with my role in my divorce. I don’t think you can fully move on from a divorce or a heartbreak until you do.

We didn’t communicate well. We avoided conflict with each other. It led to contempt and resentment. Issues never got resolved.

We were also immature from a relational standpoint. Neither of us knew what it took to keep a relationship going. There were other things as well.

I learned I had to address those things in future relationships if I wanted them to have a chance.

5. You ask for more than you are willing to give in return. This might counter what the 2020’s self-love, don’t-settle-for-less, respect-yourself pop culture icons tell us.

Don’t get me wrong, all of those things are true. You have to love and respect yourself. Don’t settle for less when you know you are worth more.

We all have high expectations, but what are we giving in return? Are you prepared to provide the world in return if you ask for the world?

Don’t ask for or expect something you wouldn’t give or do. That doesn’t mean your relationship is or should be transactional either. It just means you better be putting in the same effort.

Relationships aren’t always even. If you feel like you are always giving and not receiving, that’s a problem.

If you have high expectations, what are you bringing to the table? Think about it.

I’ve been the one to give and give to try and meet expectations, and it was never appreciated. You think you are proving yourself or building up goodwill.

Then you ask for a minor thing, and your partner flies off the handle about how ungrateful you are. I used to think it was me not doing enough.

I learned they were not willing to give, only wanting to take.

When we’re stuck in a string of bad relationships, the last thing we want to do is analyze them. We’d instead curse the people, and we miss the point.

We start to think that we’ll never find love but then keep doing the same things and expect different results. It doesn’t work that way.

Looking back and seeing specific patterns you can change doesn’t take much effort. Likewise, you know your comfort zone and how to escape it.

That doesn’t mean it will be easy, but awareness is the first step.

You aren’t doomed to repeat the same mistakes repeatedly. It’s all about changing your habits and actions.