How To Attract Your Dream Partner

Even after my divorce, I remained a hopeless romantic.

Yes, the idea of love and relationships disgusted me in the aftermath. It was all coming from a place of hurt. If you’ve had your heart broken, you know how it goes.

Eventually, it was time, and I was ready to put myself back out there.

A lot had changed, meaning my strategy had to change with it. I had to be more intentional and realistic. Despite what others told me, this did not mean settling.

I knew my dream partner was out there, but how would I find them?

Figure out what you want

Ask anyone, and they can tell you what they don’t want. Out of life, a job, and their partner.

Tying down what people genuinely want is always more complicated. For some reason, it ends up being surface-level. You’ll hear a lot of attractive, fit, good sense of humor, etc.

Even worse, they sometimes say they want what society expects them to, even though they want the opposite.

No wonder people are struggling. How do you find the perfect match if you aren’t clear on the type of partner and relationship you want?

If you don’t know what you want, you end up with a lot you don’t — Chuck Palahniuk

It’s like navigating through a dark room by feeling your way around. You might eventually find your way out, but you’re going bang your knee into some tables and run into some walls along the way.

Get clear on everything you want. Write it all down. Looks, personality, and how they act — all of it. The list isn’t set in stone; you can change it as your preferences change.

Do you want a partner that’s into early morning gym sessions? Horror movies? Likes to cook? Do you want to have long, deep conversations about the meaning of life?

Write it all down.

Now, write down your ideal relationship with that dream partner. Do you want a relationship that fits into old-school gender roles? Do you want the opposite of that?

Do you want a relationship where you are both cool with spontaneously picking up and traveling at any time? Do you want to find a relationship with someone who shares your ambition to build a business?

Write this all down, too.

Review these lists regularly so you don’t lose sight of what you want. This will keep you on track while you’re out dating and looking for your dream partner.

Of course, you won’t find a partner that perfectly matches everything, but it’s easier to find what you want if you know what to look for. Think of it like a guiding compass.

It wasn’t until I understood what I truly wanted that my “luck” improved. It helped me avoid getting into relationships with bad matches. It also helped me enjoy the process more by relieving the pressure.

I now knew that I no longer had to force things.

How do you stack up to your list

Now, look at your list and be honest with yourself. How many of the qualities on your list do you possess? Be honest.

Would the partner you’ve described on your list want to go out with you if they met you?

My honest answer to myself was “NO.” I had much work to do on myself. I had plenty of healing, forgiving, moving on, and learning about myself to work on.

My physical shape and fitness could have been better.

I realized you couldn’t be a couch potato in horrible shape if you want a fit partner. If you haven’t worked on healing your past wounds, attracting someone who is emotionally well-adjusted will be hard.

At the moment, it felt impossible to overcome. Why did I have to change so much?

Most of us have been told we’re perfect the way we are. People should love us the way we are, with our faults and shortcomings. Just be yourself, we’re told.

Many of us use that as an excuse not to improve ourselves. We then keep our expectations high without earning the rewards.

To be clear, nothing is wrong with you or any of us. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t all strive to be better.

When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better, too — Paulo Coelho

But if you aren’t willing to put some work in on yourself, you might need to adjust your expectations downward. Do you want a partner who has given up and resigned themselves to settling for less?

You don’t have to be a finished product to find what you want. Odds are you will find someone at your same level.

Suppose both of you are on the same path of improving yourselves. That’s something you can both take into your relationship.

Put yourself out there

This could be the most challenging part, especially if you are re-entering the dating scene.

I’ve never met anyone who didn’t have a bad date story. Don’t lie; we all love a terrible date story.

People seem to either hate or love dating. Of course, the people who love it are the ones who have success.

We put too much importance on it and too much pressure on ourselves to get it right.

It should be fun and social, but many view it as our one shot at finding true love. We make it too severe and can sometimes drain all of the fun out of it, causing us to act too stiff. This turns the other person off.

Besides, dating isn’t the only way to meet people. It’s 2023, and the internet has drawn us all closer together.

I’ve had friends meet their partners (fiancé and wives) through neighborhood dog-walking groups, meetup.com, Facebook group meetups, church groups, friends of friends, self-improvement workshops, and fitness classes at the gym.

I’ve tried almost all of them. I’m an introvert, so some of them were hard for me.

There are plenty of ways to meet people nowadays. That doesn’t mean hitting on people everywhere you go. It means you have to get out and be social.

If you’re an introvert, shy, or not the best socially, you’ll be more comfortable by taking a class in a hobby you enjoy or joining a social group around something that interests you.

This is because you are meeting people with a common interest and you’ll probably have some knowledge about whatever the subject is. This will give you a slight confidence boost.

The bottom line is that you aren’t going to meet anyone if you don’t put yourself out there. It’s not likely that your Uber Eats driver will be your future partner. Sadly.

It’s not more complicated than that. But then, it is also easier said than done…

Most of us run around blindly, trying to find love. We expect our love stories to play out like a movie. You’re both in the grocery store and reach for the same head of lettuce.

Boom, it’s love at first sight!

If only life were that simple.

Luck is when preparation meets opportunity — Seneca quote

The rest of us understand we have to be intentional about how we go about finding our dream mate. It’ll seem magical and lucky when it happens as if it was meant to be.

It’s not luck. You’ve been preparing and putting yourself in the right place at the right time.