A Book Brought Me Closer to My Wife and Her Family

My wife and I come from two completely different worlds.

I’m an army brat that grew up in the United States firmly rooted in American culture. My wife has spent most of her life in the Dominican Republic, surrounded by Latin and Caribbean culture.

On paper, you probably wouldn’t consider us a match. Her roots have always fascinated me, and I have embraced her culture since day one.

My sister-in-law got me a book called “The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao” by Junot Diaz. She gave it to me because of how well it portrays all things Dominican.

It was a great gift and even unintentionally brought me closer to my wife and that side of my family.

Brief Plot Synopsis

The story’s main plot revolves around Oscar De Leon, a nerdy, overweight Dominican New Jersey teenager who dreams of becoming the next great science fiction author. He is also obsessed with falling in love.

The story also details his mother’s tumultuous upbringing in the Dominican as an orphan before escaping to the United States. We also learn about Oscar’s sister, Lola, and her rocky relationship with their mom.

Central to the family story is a family curse…

There are many references to science fiction (Lord of the Rings) and comics, which tapped into the inner teenage nerd version of myself.

What surprised me the most is that a fiction book has increased my connection to my in-laws.

How The Book Matched My Experiences

Being from different backgrounds, my wife and I have talked a lot about the differences between our cultures. She finds American culture to be weirder than I find hers in many instances.

For example, when you live in a huge building, the neighbors only socialize a little. People generally keep to themselves. You speak in passing, but that’s about it.

On the other hand, my mother-in-law lives in a huge building and knows most of her neighbors. They visit randomly, without even calling ahead (something else Americans generally don’t do).

My wife tried to give me the lowdown on some things I might find off-putting or peculiar early on to prepare me for what I would be in for. Of course, I embraced her culture with an open mind and haven’t found anything off-putting.

These are some of the things from the book that have matched my personal experience.

1. Spanglish. This book is written exactly how my wife and her family talk! It blew my mind. Spanglish throughout.

Strangely enough, it made me feel more connected right from the beginning.

My wife told me very early on she tends to switch between English and Spanish when speaking without any rhyme or reason. Of course, that didn’t bother me.

I’ve witnessed many conversations between her and her family or friends that rapidly switch back and forth. To see it from an outside source gave it extra weight.

2. Clapping when the plane lands. The book mentions passengers clapping when their flight lands in Santo Domingo. Any flight that lands in Santo Domingo lands with a round of applause. The first time I heard it, I wondered what it was.

When I mentioned it to my wife, she laughed. She said Dominicans clap when they land in Santo Domingo to applaud the pilots for landing safely. There can be lots of turbulence when heading into Santo Domingo.

I can confirm that this does not occur when flying into Punta Cana. These planes are usually filled with tourists rather than locals.

3. Taking oversized/extra bags home. Whenever my wife goes home, she takes an extra suitcase filled with things for the family. Even on my very first trip, I took things!

At first, I thought it might just have been my family. Not at all.

The book referred to pilots leaving Newark, New Jersey wondering if they’d be too heavy to take off.

I’ve connected through Newark before. Once, my bag didn’t transfer because the Newark flight was overcrowded. They removed my bag to make room for the other ones!

The baggage claim at Santo Domingo coming from Newark is always fun to watch due to the amount of baggage people bring.

4. Womanizers. Dominican men have a stereotype of being womanizers. At first, I thought this might be overplayed. I thought some women just had terrible experiences.

Then more and more women started confirming it, and this book also brought it up numerous times. The narrator talks about his womanizing ways almost as if they are to be accepted because he is a Dominican man.

He even wonders how Oscar isn’t better with women due to his heritage.

5. The Island calls you back. I’ve never mentioned this one to my wife. Being that I’m not Dominican, it wouldn’t make sense. The island calls you back. I can feel it, almost like a magnetic pull.

I’ve been all over the island, from the expensive tourist areas to grabbing street food in Boca Chica. I have seen the good and the bad.

I always feel called to come back. It somehow feels like home, even though I’ve never lived there. The book mentions the island calling you back, and I fully understand that feeling.

More Things To Discuss

One of the stereotypes of American marriages is having trouble getting along with your in-laws. Although I haven’t had a problem with this, as my in-laws are amazing, I learned some new things that I want to research more to discuss with that side of my family.

Why not start with the ultimate conversation killer, politics? A big chunk of the flashback of Oscar’s mother’s story occurs under the violent dictatorship of the Rafael Trujillo regime.

In the United States, media and politicians constantly tell us about threats to our democracy and pending dictatorships.

I want to discuss this with older family members who were around to experience life under the Trujillo regime. I want to know what it was truly like during those times.

Likewise, I want to discuss the relevance, or belief, in family curses, which the book centers on. Is it a superstitious thing? Is it something where they have a “friend of a friend” who went through this thing?

Do they not talk about the curse so they can avoid it altogether? I’m curious to see what is truly believed and what is not.

Building Relationships

I never would have expected a fiction book to help my marriage potentially. You can find help in the places you least expect when you aren’t even looking.

I’m grateful my sister-in-law gifted me this book. It shined a light on the Dominican culture for me. It reinforced things I had seen and heard about and opened my eyes to new things.

I might be a weird American for asking about some of these things. That’s fine. One of the best ways to build relationships is by taking an interest in other people, their culture, and their beliefs.

My interest has been piqued even more, and my bond with that side of the family can be strengthened.