Four Surprising Reasons You Struggle to Build New Habits

There is an uncomfortable truth that we all know, but most choose not to acknowledge.

We all know what to do to accomplish our goals and dreams. Even though we have this knowledge, many of us still don’t have the success we want.

Why do we struggle to have the life we want when we know how to get it?

It seems to be human nature that if we spend more time thinking about how to do something instead of just doing it, the odds increase that we’ll talk ourselves out of it.

Does that sound familiar to you?

I’ve found four surprising reasons that keep you from building the habits that will improve your life.

You Don’t Make it Easy For Yourself to Succeed

There are a million books about habits out there. Ask anyone, and they will tell you the importance of consistency and compounding your way to success.

If we all know the importance, why is it so hard to carry it out?

It’s primarily self-imposed, meaning we don’t put ourselves in a position to be successful.

We fly by the seat of our pants, hoping motivation takes over. But then we get tired, hungry, frustrated, or angry; we make a choice counter to what we want in the long term.

It’s easy to make the right choices when everything is going well.

I’m not the only one who has had a bad day and decided to eat poorly to comfort myself or skip a workout. I’ve also stayed up too late for no good reason and didn’t wake up early to go to the gym or work on my side hustle idea.

These bad days start stacking up, and we realize weeks or months have gone by, and we haven’t made any progress.

Then, we beat ourselves up for knowing what we need to do but not doing it. Sound familiar?

You don’t have a system

I’ve learned that if you want to do something, you can’t go about your days unintentionally. You won’t be able to feel your way around each day, hoping for pockets of motivation and inspiration.

“The man who is prepared has his battle half fought.” — Miguel De Cervantes

One of the most important lessons I’ve learned about personal success is that I do better when I remove the ability to choose altogether. The more automated I can make things, the better.

When I meal prep for a day, I’m much more likely to eat better than when I don’t. If I want to get up early and I put my alarm just far enough away that I have to get out of bed to turn it off, I’m more likely to stay up.

Schedule in time for what you want to do and follow it. Otherwise, something else will come up and take that time away.

What’s worked best for me is picking the same time every day to work on what I want to do. Mentally, I’m more aware in the morning, so I do mental tasks early and physical like working out later in the day.

Does timing matter?

You don’t have to join the 5 am club

It seems to be industry standard that you won’t be successful if you don’t get up at 4 or 5 a.m. I listen to Tom Bilyeu’s podcast and believe I’ve heard him say he gets up every day at 3 a.m.

Part of me is fascinated, and another part of me is horrified.

If we’re supposed to get seven to nine hours of sleep a night, to get up at 3 a.m., we’re going to bed between 7 to 9 p.m. The average person with a family, children, and a regular 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. can’t do this.

What if you’re a night owl? What if you’re more alert and focused later in the day?

What’s more important is that you lock in a time every day to work on building that new habit. Pick a time of day that will be easy for you to maintain.

Using the example of myself and the gym, I’ve tried going early in the morning, during the day, and in the evening over the last few weeks. The results I found were astonishing!

Okay, not really. When I tried going during the day, things from work generally interrupted me from developing a daily routine.

Going to the gym early in the morning, first thing, or after work worked fine. Going early in the morning made it more difficult for me to write. I do my best thinking in the morning and earlier in the day.

I now write in the morning and work out in the afternoon.

You beat yourself up when you “fail”

We’ve all set out to learn or do something and crashed and burned. We’ve probably all done it quite a few times.

How we view those unsuccessful attempts can kill our chances of future success.

Most of us have a long list of “to-do’s” and the best intentions to scratch off everything on that list by the end of the day, week, or month. Then, a day, week, or month passes, and we haven’t made any progress.

How do you feel about yourself when you haven’t scratched many things off your list?

Do you feel like a failure for not doing those things? Or do you tell yourself that tomorrow is a new day? If you keep telling yourself you failed and embrace that feeling of failure, eventually, you will internalize that.

We can be over-ambitious with how many things we want to pack into a day. We also need help with time management and prioritization.

If you have a full-time job and a family, it will be hard to pack in a lot of independent-minded goals or tasks. It doesn’t mean they can’t be done.

Show yourself some grace. Life isn’t always going to go according to plan. There will be ups and downs.

You’re not failing unless you aren’t trying. Each second, minute, hour, and day is a chance for you to start fresh or to try something new. Use it and wipe the slate clean.

Many of us don’t realize that we get in our way, which prevents us from having the life we want. There is no shame in taking accountability. It’s empowering.

You have to see and change the patterns. Look at what it is that you think is holding you back.

You can turn the whole thing around with just a few minor changes. You can make your habits stick and become what you’ve always wanted to be with the life you’ve always wanted to have.

You know what you need to do. Your choices and actions have to match your desires. It’s as simple as that.

You'll be able to do it.